How and why would we damage our own efforts to be healthy through loosing our excess body weight, or through stopping other addictive behaviors, like excess drinking, drugs, gambling or risky sexual encounters?
Non-conscious forces contribute to our “self-concept” which permits and even encourages our self destructive addictive behaviors. These beliefs, each of us have, about ourselves, built-up over long periods of time.
Our concept of “ourselves” may have accommodated the weight gain, self sabotage, or the addictive behavior as a trade-off to stop some other pain we think we are experiencing.
We became comfortable with the addictive "Self-Sabotage" behavior as part of the swap-off. Although we know we would be better off, or healthier without the results of the sabotaging addictive behavior.
But, it is me; it is just the way I am. These are my non-conscious concepts of the real me. It is what I think , rather than what I can see if I choose to SEE.
Does the knife, which stabs you in the back, have your prints on it?
One man when a simple physical activity was suggested said, “It is not part of my lifestyle.”
In other words, it is not part of my concept of who I think I am. Nor is it who I want to remain, regardless of the seemingly obvious consequences.
The non-conscious determinants of who I think I am aren’t going to allow change. In the face of this level of resistance, the knife in our back is ours, and we put it there.
Can the knife of self sabotage be removed? Can I stop sabotaging myself?
Most of us would agree that in terms of our addictive 'self-sabotage' behavior, it is not a lack of knowledge as to why we should stop our destructive behavior. Nor is it really the lack of an adequate sobriety/abstinence plan.
The key is to stop, abstain, or to cut back so as to keep from crippling our overall health and entire life in the process.
In fact, what we want is to try to enhance our healthy living.
So, besides the Martians, who or what do you have to watch out for? In Alaska there are insects called “No-Seeums” These small insects bite you and you never see what did it.
Well, No-Seeums can do the same thing to your sobriety. As soon as you have an abstinence strategy, with a schedule, and start to get some results.
BANG…you binge and miss planned appointments and meetings. The Recovery "Self-Sabotage" Destroyers, the No-Seeums have struck.
You have sabotaged yourself.
The real problem may be how you think about yourself. The beliefs you hold about who (what) you are. Consider this thought a few moments: How do you describe yourself? Start with: “I am...and put in how you see yourself.
Is this the reason you beat yourself up? Mess up your sobriety and continue to put your addictions recovery in jeopardy?
Many of these views have been around for a long time. Some from early childhood, others established from experience with sensed success or failure. Have you ever said. “I knew I couldn’t make it?”
So, how do you change your non-conscious views of your self?
Answer: You cease expectations.
You just do your Addictions Recovery program, regardless of the Martians, self-sabotage, or any other arrows of outrageous fortune. Day-by-day you just do it.!
Sounds too simple? Well it is just that simple. It may be hard as hell. But it is just that simple. Just do it, as the ad says. And start NOW…regardless. There are no excuses.
Maybe, you’ll just have to give the new bottle of brandy or box of chocolates away. Or just throw way the pictures, or turn-off the computer.
Because if you see yourself as a fat person or a drinking person, or the person who needs that fix, drugs or porn, you are going to do what fat, drinking, addicted people do.
Self-sabotage their own recovery.
You must change your mental "self-sabotage" image of yourself. Start with little things first. Set small reachable goals. Regardless of how small…start NOW…and make it a part of your new behavior.
Your treadmill can’t make you walk a mile or two. No threat, once removed, guarantees you’ll stop overeating or using if it is what you’ve done most of your life.
If you are like most of us, you already know what you should do. But often, for some hard to pin down reason, you feel unable or unwilling to do what is necessary.
Artificial Stress strips away your courage. Fear makes action impossible. Doubt causes procrastination and self-sabotage. And when you get angry, at your own inability to lose weight, or keep the weight off, it drives you further from your goal.
Guilt gives achievement the taste of cardboard. Yet, only your own thoughts and emotions can launch you on the road to addictions recovery success.
SOLUTION: Let-Go, Let-God Awareness can empower your brain, mind, and spirit to find the courage to face recovery success.
Stopping your self-sabotage will require a courageous commitment on your part. Being able to SEE your own emotional processes and to recognize their resultant external actions can be tough.
Your objective observer’s understanding of your own addictive behavior will require your full commitment.
In my years as a professional psychotherapist I found fear to be the bedrock of self-sabotage. That’s because fear and ignorance hold our addictive illusions in place.
So have the courage to treat yourself with love and respect. Are you someone you love? If you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else? Start giving yourself the emotional rewards that someone you love deserves.
You can let-go the thorns of that rose placed in your book of childhood memory. Your wounded Inner Child doesn’t have to act-out any longer. Let your parents rest in peace.
Give yourself a Blue Ribbon. Praise Yourself. Eat healthy foods. When did you last take an hour and just listen to Sarah Brightman?
When did you last give yourself a bouquet of flowers? Grin at your sober reflection in the mirror. Be your special valentine.
Let-Go, Let-God. Unplug from the old image. Be right here, right now. Not in the past. Not in the future. Here…NOW.
SOLUTION: Let-Go, Let-God Awareness can empower your brain, mind, and spirit to find the courage to face addictions recovery success.
Outside suggestions can certainly affect how you view yourself, but, the most powerful influence is your own thoughts, your own overriding self imagery. What do you tell your self about yourself?
It is most powerful because it is reinforced constantly by your internal self talk.
The insidiousness of Self-Sabotage is that it can start with what seems to be an unavoidable incident. You are late. Unavoidable it seems. And then it happens again. And again.
Is this Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is your behaviors which occur when there is no reasonable, logical, or rational explanation for not doing exactly what you desire or for you to have the things you want and think or know you deserve.
So what happens?
Over extended, you are late. Unavoidable, it seems. Friends, family and employer are put-out, but, say nothing. Customers move quietly to other providers. No reason given.
Then along with your lateness comes disorganization. The SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People take up too much of your time. You can’t do it all.
Forgetting, time is lost, your energy dissipated. Money begins to slip away. Finances slide. Debt builds. Yet the Self-Sabotage only continues and intensifies.
You have all the necessary abilities yet there is something which overrides your skill, knowledge, and desire. Later you say to yourself, “I coulda, I shoulda, I mighta, I oughta, I woulda…but.”
And later, others say of your "self-sabotage" actions, “I suppose he/she couldn’t stand success.”
Often at the root of self-defeating actions is your Unrealistic Expectations. “I think things’ll get better.”
But still you hold onto your SNUPs and your Unrealistic Expectations, thinking they can protect you from your fears, your low feelings of self-worth, and your sense of rejection or prejudice. Then it happens.
In an attempt to cover your tracks, you start to expand the truth, or simply make it up. So to impress or cover-up you have started to lie. From there on the Self-Sabotage just rolls downhill.
All kinds of addictive behaviors: food, chemicals, gambling, sex, strange beliefs---you name it---falsely promise relief. And so it only gets worse.
Then, if you seek Recovery help, do you seek it from trained competent professionals or from illusionist or other self-appointed absolutist?
The accumulation of your self-defeating attitudes, fears, and/or ignorance leads to more actions which only further self-sabotage your life.
In this self-induced process, you are believing what you’ve been taught and therefore believe what you think instead of what you can see is real… if only you would open your eyes and SEE your Unrealistic Expectations.
This may seem a very tough appraisal, but do you not see it around you every day. Newspapers and television “run” on it; whole industries are built on it.
Is there a way out of this morass of self-sabotage? Yes. Unplug from your Unrealistic Expectations.
Of course, many of the attitudes and behaviors of your Self-Sabotage have accumulated over time. They are so entrenched, you tend to think of these beliefs as part of you, as a norm of who you are.