Setting-Relationship-Boundaries knows you have not won a person’s agreement when you have silenced him.
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries is about developing Your Safe Country.
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries first asks “What Are Boundaries.
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries: Anne Katherine explains, “you create your life by the people you let in and the people you shut out.
And by giving your time to the quests that matter.
You also create your life by ‘letting hours trickle toward lesser goals, through the pursuits to which you give your energy, by the pressures you have to heed.’”
“Every decision you’ve ever made, step by step, brought you to this pass. In short, your boundaries---your defenses---created a corridor through which your life moved.
What is a boundary? A boundary is a limit that promises integrity.”
Affection Addiction is love gone Rogue. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries is paramount in developing Intimacy.
“Intimacy is the challenge of life. Nothing is more important than one’s relationship with self and others.
Not career, not keeping the house perfect, not amassing possessions.
Learning to love, to be genuine, and to gracefully allow others entrance into our hearts---these are the profound challenge for which we were born.”
Addictive Relationships are Self Sabotage. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries which are appropriate and functional are essential.
If we, love addicts, are to overcome the challenges of Love Addiction and Codependency.
If we are to have Addictive Relationships Recovery
“Intimacy absolutely requires that each of us in a relationship be whole and individual. Codependence is not intimacy.
Enmeshment---two people blending in such ways that one or both lose their identity----(Affection Addiction)---is not intimacy either.
Intimacy comes when two people both standing clearly in their own lives---with their faults and their truths, their needs and their gifts---say to each other:
“This is me. I see you. I am willing to say the whole truth, make mistakes, forgive, trust, receive, give, allow our differences, argue, laugh, and stand together with you in awe.”
Can you see your Relationship as a Spititual Practice. So How do we set Boundaries?
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries means we have to develop our intimacy skills. INTIMACY SKILLS…A health person moves between awareness of self and awareness of relationship.
1. Noticing when others extend themselves for you.
2. Appreciating gifts of time, effort, money, energy, attention, and thoughtfulness.
3. Taking responsibility for communicating your needs.
4. Why is equal sharing in a relationship important?
Equality in a relationship reduces risks of one partner exploiting the other as in an Addicted-to-Love Relationship.
Free Relationship Adice you can really use. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries: The donut defines the donut hole.
Good boundaries, can help deal with Love Addiction, Love Addicts acting-out, and Codependent binding.
Good Boundaries created by the use of good intimacy skills, keep a committed or intimate relationship lightly balanced between the needs of the individual and the needs of the relationship.
Implementing Intimacy Skills.
1. State your needs directly.
2. Be honest about your feelings.
3. Acknowledge your true, current position in the relationship, even though it may be hard for the other person to hear.
4. Connect any shift toward separation to the events that caused it.
5. Say what will restore you and make you available again for intimacy.
Love Addiction requires conscious active participation by both to deal with it.
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries adjusts Intimacy Boundaries versus Personal Boundaries.
The boundaries of intimacy are injured when a mate refuses to work out an issue, rejects the other’s efforts to make amends, remains coldly aloof, or stays emotionally unavailable.
These are all actions that create relationship problems and separation.
Intimacy Boundaries do not require us to violate our own Personal Boundaries.
Yet we violate our own boundaries, and ourselves, when we act against our own internal guidance in order to ostensibly “protect” our relationship with someone else.
We are responsible for taking ourselves out of a situation that demeans us and for avoiding people who malign us.
If we don’t, we violate our own boundaries. We diminish our own integrity by not holding to the limits that would keep us from being exploited, demeaned, or treated with disregard.
What relationship do you think you are protecting if you let someone belittle you? What family unit are you preserving if all your relatives allow one member to scapegoat another?
Relationship Addictions is a High Price to pay for Affection. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries requires developing Intimacy Skills.
1. Respect limits set by the other person.
2. Respect reasonable requests.
3. Confront the other person when something they do (or fail to do) is beginning to have negative impact on your relationship.”
Addictive Substances and Actions are examples: Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Porn, Food, Gambling, and a host of other behaviors including Unfaithfulness.
“4. When the other person’s actions (or failure to act) feels disrespectful, thoughtless, or uncomfortable, say so.”
Setting-Relationship-Boundaries is deeply personal work. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries: Spouses, Mates, and Partners.
“When we look into another person’s eyes and make a commitment to join our lives together, we launch an intention that is itself a boundary.
We create boundaries when we give our word. Then we keep the boundaries by what we do.
Whether such a pledge is sealed in a sanctuary before witnesses or is made privately on a mountaintop, boundaries make possible fulfillment of that commitment.
Boundaries usher commitments into reality. Limits about what will be included and what will be excluded create intimacy.”
Addiction is a Spiritual Disease. Setting-Relationship-Boundaries establishes Your Safe Country.
A remarkable change can grow in your life as you practice the art of setting boundaries. Your life takes on more definition. You know who you are more clearly. Time and energy are freed for your chosen pursuits. People gain respect for you.
As you set clear boundaries in different situations, you may begin to discover yet another benefit. As boundaries knit together, we begin to have a clearer sense of our spiritual presence in the world.
Although boundaries are a practice, a defined behavior, they also carry us to a wider place within ourselves, a place where we discover what our lives are really about.
Every time you set a boundary and dissolve a defense, you pave your way to your Own Safe Country, your own unique territory that is the fulfillment of your life and your mission.
Discover The Mind of The Addict. “Where To Draw The Line” by Anne Katherine is a very relationship helpful tool. You’ll also really enjoy it.