Coming Off ANOTHER Relapse! (GOD willing its the last)
Recovery Is In Your Hands
Good afternoon everyone, I won't think at all as I type this. I will just use this as a form of therapy and express the truth of what Im feeling right now at this present moment. Hopefully someone gets "something" from it...I have used drugs and watched pornography since I was very young...growing up my mother smoked weed constantly and my father, whom I have yet to meet in my 31 years of living, was a cocaine addict. I was also sexually abused growing up. That led to the development of some really bad habits that I have today. I have tried my "own" way of sober living like, "Okay, I'll just smoke on the weekend..." Pffft...yeah right....or "Just a gram of this a week isn't bad"...Along with this, my taste in porn has become more "perverse"...after years of watching "the norm", it has gone into the "taboo" stuff. When I use, it gets out of control. When I sober up, like now, those feelings of shame or "What the hell was I thinking??" start to kick in. I am WELL OVERDUE FOR A CHANGE! Im SICK of saying, "okay that was IT! I'm done!" and then a week later using again! The person I am when Im using is NOT who I am or who I want to be! Im tired of sobering up to feelings of regret and debt!
DAY ONE of my TOTAL SOBRIETY begins...AGAIN...lol...pray for me guys...take care and GOD Bless
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