Obsolete-Relationships Block and Sabotage Your Personal Addiction Recovery, By Destroying Your Sobriety, Spirituality, And Serenity.
Obsolete-Relationships are just that:
Relationships you no longer need.
These addiction relationships may not be only with people, places, and things, but with ideas and behaviors. These are relationships which are no longer valid, useful, or productive for your Personal Addiction Recovery, Sobriety and Spirituality.
Whether you needed this Relationship-Addiction in the past is not relevant.
These Obsolete-Relationships are not only out-of-date, but, often destructive and may have no place or meaning in your current life, beliefs, or Personal Addictions-Recovery plans.
The illusions of absolute which these beliefs and ideas conjured up in your mind have often proven false, useless or destructive, and so they need to no longer be part of your belief system.
These Obsolete-Relationships are often attachments, to which we are stuck or addicted, and like Substance Abuse, many of our ideas, personal agendas, and thought practices, are outdated.
We have, or should have, simply let them go. This Addictive Behavior is relationship addiction and no longer serves our best interest for Sobriety, creativity, success, personal growth or Recovery.
So SEE your UFOs for what they really are: unrealistic, false, and obsolete. If left unchallenged they can destroy your best Personal Addictions-Recovery efforts. Let’s look at how your Obsolete Relationships do just that.
One of the first considerations is to realize which Obsolete-Relationships currently sabotage your success. You might ask yourself:
What is Relationship Sabotage?
Well, for example, are your SNUPs, Serves No Useful Purpose, taking time from other more important current recovery efforts. Like Obsolete-Relationships they rob you of your present, in order to preserve ideas, things, and obligations which are no longer related to your current life.
Are you aiding the SNUPs to sabotage your best Addictions-Recovery efforts? You certainly are when you devote your time, talent, and treasure to maintaining SNUPs. That is Recovery Self-Sabotage.
Often, in Self-Sabotage, there seems to be no obvious rational or logical reasons why you can’t make Addictions-Recovery work for you. Is it possible, an internal struggle is going on inside of you?
“I want to, but, just can’t seem to make things work.” Like saving money or loosing weight.
Often, an irrational, illogical internal struggle may be the basis of addictive self sabotage.
But you can begin to SEE what is happening and to recognize patterns. Then you can loosen or break the Addiction bonds of your Obsolete-Relationships.
You can learn to experience them from an objective viewpoint where you see the internal struggles, and conflicts, and the dialogue which often results in Addictions-Recovery sabotage.
Almost all of us live lives somewhat circumscribed by the expectations of others. These expectations, of course, include those from Obsolete-Relationships.
Some of the expectations may have been realistic in the past, but many were not.
Those Obsolete-Relationships which are based on Unrealistic-Expectations are not productive for you. They are obsolete. You need to consider letting them go. Otherwise, you will continue to live a limited, restricted secondhand life.
Instead of living life as a first-hand experience, you exist in a reactive mode. You do not have a self initiated, action based life. Unplug now from Obsolete-Relationships.
Regain control of your time, your talent, and your resources. Focus on what you want for a change.
When is it time to Let Go? Perhaps a short narrative may clarify.
Once upon a time, years ago, two monks, Tinzen, the elder and Akido, the younger, were traveling together during the rainy season.
They moved steadily down the muddy road in silence. A heavy rain had just stopped. The road followed a small swollen creek, overflowing from the recent downpour.
Coming around a bend where the road crossed the creek, they saw a lovely young woman, dressed in an elegant silk Kimono with a scarlet sash, who had sought shelter from the sudden spring rain under a roadside cache.
As they approached the young woman, she spoke, “My name is Su Chen, I am on the way to my sister’s wedding in Lin Chow.”
The young woman seemed in great distress. “The steam has risen and the roadway across is covered with water. I will ruin my new dress in trying to cross. Can you help me?”
Akido, the younger hesitated. But, Tinzen, the elder, responded at once.
“Come on girl, I’ll carry you across.” Without hesitation, Tinzen scooped the young woman up in his arms, helped her onto his back, and carried her through the swift water to beyond the muddy bank.
When Tinzen put her down, the young woman thanked him, kissed his cheek, and departed on her way along the north fork of the road to Lyn Chow.
Again in silence, Tinzen and Akido continued on their journey along the south fork toward their monastery. Throughout all this, Akido, although brooding and preoccupied, had not spoken.
The monks walked quietly for a long time, until Akido, the younger, could contain himself no longer and said, “Brother Tinzen, you know, we Privation Monks have precepts, teaching us to avoid any contact with and not touching a woman. We don’t go near females, especially beautiful ones.
How could you so blatantly carry that young woman on your shoulders? Why did you do that?
Tinzen, the elder, replied, “Oh! I put that girl down a long time ago, back at the river bank. Why are you still carrying her around?
Sometimes, we need to just let it go.
We have all held onto Unrealistic-Expectations, False-Assumptions, and Obsolete-Relationships like so much outdated Addiction related UFO baggage.
We seem fearful of growing beyond these internal, often illusory, self-concepts. Perhaps, it is time to temper or adjust our expectations. Because our non-conceptual self needs no improvement, never did.
If we can glimpse ourselves as we were before Obsolete-Relationships, before any ideas, images, or feelings, we can attain an instant of total freedom, uncolored and unhindered by our mind and history.
We would find there is nothing to heal. We would have returned to our original self.
Getting a sense of that freedom, also, gives you a vantage point from which to approach your Obsolete-Relationships and address your outdated and obsolete Addictions-Recovery attitudes, which you continue to carry around.
You can have your Observer’s Viewpoint from which to proceed with your Addictions-Recovery work..
And you need it. Too many times, after Substance Abuse or Addiction, when we initiate regaining control of our own activities, we feel guilty for our actions.
It is as though we are taking “something” from the others in our world. Codependency gets in the way of our Addictions-Recovery, when we assert ourselves, it is as if we are wishing someone would give back to us what we’ve given for so long.
In the beginning of taking back your life, do it one step at a time…not all at once.
Choose to Let Go your Obsolete-Relationships and the simpler Addiction Unplugs first. Too many at once may arouse frustration in you, and others--- and alert the Relapse alligators.
First, tell yourself it is OK…Grant yourself permission to meet your chosen Addictions-Recovery needs. You have a right to your own self…and your life.
Then try to see your Recovered self as you would want to be. Use your own mental imagery. Picture the events and actions that fit your Addictions-Recovery plan.
Show your courage. Stand up to your old Addiction fears. Apply some tough love to yourself. Counter the guilty feelings aroused by the obsolete voices of yesterday.
They may admonish you for wanting to recover, to change, for wanting to take back, to rediscover your life. Let Go, Unplug them from your brain.
Your Personal Recovery tough love may sometimes seem harsh to others. It isn’t.
ITSI means Impervious to Social Innuendo.
ITSI can be an invisible shield which protects you from the stings and arrows of outrageous fortune. It is a shield through which others can not puncture with their negative remarks and Recovery sabotage behaviors.
You remain on solid ground, firm in your Addictions-Recovery direction. And you remain in your neutral observer’s viewpoint, not weighted down with guilt for taking it.
You realize that not everyone wishes you well. Some would keep you down an extra notch. Friendliness is not always friendly. And you don’t have to be humble to practice humility.
Before we take on the Martians, I’d like to share with you some great lines I remember, from where I know not.
PICK UP YOUR MARBLES
Recently, I heard this good advice, “Stop rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic” or as Betty Davis said once, “Pick up your marbles and move to a better game.”
On a management job I held some years ago, it appeared I was conducting “fire drills” on a sinking ship. Letting Go, Unplugging was the only answer that made sense.
If the situation is truly toxic, the only solution may be to get out. You will need to be competent and confident in your plan to move.
You need to recognize and weigh the risks to your recovery, and the wear and tear on your body and mind.
Artificial Stress from the sabotage of the SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People is always there ready and waiting
But, with Awareness from Letting-Go, Letting-God,, when we are assertive, we are demonstrating how to stand up to bullies. Learn that competition is OK.
There’s no need to respond...in kind...to backhanded tactics, or to put up with such behaviors.
Now to the Martians
Basically, they are SNUPs, with a direct connection to our UFOs, except we fail to recognize them as such. They really serve no useful purpose.
The Martian screen has a full example of Martian Recovery sabotage behavior. We use an Eating Disorder, weight loss/dieting example to demonstrate Martian Recovery sabotage.