This screen’s material is quite lengthy. However, the subject warrants an adequate exposition. All of which is directed primarily to Letting-Go-Codependence.
We want to understand the structure, but more important is integrating the essence of the process.
We want to be able to apply Letting-Go-Codependency in our lives.
Current psychology stresses the action of separation when addressing Letting-Go-Codependency. We like the word Unplug; it has a more definitive connotation. Not just pulled apart, but unplugged, it is no longer connected. Let Go. A very conscious active response.
This is Letting-Go-Codependence approached from an individual viewpoint.
(1) Our personal experience. Seeing it from our vantage point of having lived through the process of the phenomenon.
(2) We will try to understand what “holding” attachment means.
(3) We’ll also consider the transitional phase of developing some space and autonomy.
(4) And finally, we look at the results of Letting-Go-Codependence and the effect on our lives. We want to grasp an understanding of the day-to-day lived meaning of the Letting-Go-Codependence experience.
The purpose is so that we---you and I ---as part of our Self-Help effort, apply and make appropriate, effective use of…this valuable involvement.
The act, the experience of Letting-Go-Codependence can not be frozen in time. It is a living experience, interactive, on-going, alive. Real people are deeply involved.
The action of Letting-Go-Codependence is a transitional process carried out within a set of your life’s circumstances. It occurs in a contextual environment.
We’ll also review the personal experiences which led us to consider Letting-Go-Codependence , in the first place. We analyze the attachment and Codependency bonds which tied us to the Codependency behavior.
We return to the past, examining it, sometimes over and over. We try to integrate the challenge of our experience, with beginning to set tentative outcomes in place. They make us feel somewhat protected. More alert. Ready.
Often the fear of moving into the unknown causes us to reach for the familiar---even if it’s only a fake front to conceal the truth. Our personal security is on fragile ground at this point in the process. We may feel vulnerable.
Gradually, we begin the transition, the inevitability of change becomes apparent to us, even if not to others in our personal group.
Our inner balance is under assault. There is the threat of fragmenting. Positive and negative forces vie for their place in the rhythm of our life.
Then we turn the corner. WE are Letting-Go-Codependence and submit to the omnipotence of time and space.
As the interpersonal distances in our Codependent Relationships decrease or increase, the grasp on our true self becomes more tenuous.
Any shift in the current stability can be experienced as a threat. The possibility of increased distance may resurrect fear from the threat of abandonment. Boundaries are important business.
Then the results come. Our inner balance begins to reassert itself in regaining control. We begin our cognitive restructuring.
That is, the rebuilding of internal boundaries and mind-scape markers for the external ones we respect.
We are making decisions. Suddenly, we are open to the creative process of the moment. Our feeling of contribution to successful resolution of the situation. Arouses our sense of empowerment.
We are Letting-Go-Codependence, we have relinquished control, ceased holding, unplugged, and in the process submitted to and partook in the process of creation.
Letting-Go-Codependence means putting some new boundaries in place. This is natural. Letting-Go-Codependence is really an integral, fundamental fact of human development.
We couldn’t function in our lives if we didn’t let some things go. The problem is holding-on-to the wrong things: The SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People.
The surrender of Letting-Go is not capitulation. It is growth.
In Letting-Go, we sometimes experience ourselves in the process of a sea change, it feels massive. A whole new vista, a different world, opens up to us.
So, how can we learn to Let-Go?
1. Identify, as with the SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People, the substance issue, the conflict idea, the disputed activity, event or person you are “holding-on-to.” Be specific.
In the practice of medicine, the more specific the diagnosis, the more exact can be the treatment. It is the same with Letting-Go. And even more so where Codependency, our “holding” is the issue.
Do it consciously, let your self feel all aspects of the emotions. Sometimes just revisiting the situation will enable you to Let-Go with more ease.
2. Consider what you get from the attachment. Why are you holding-on? Consider how you will be better off Letting-Go.
3. Then let it go. Say it out loud to yourself. “I am Letting-Go……..” And let it go.
4. When the issue comes up in your mind again, just say,"No. I won’t go there." And concentrate on another subject.
The mind can only holds one subject at a time. It just seems otherwise to us sometimes. Redirect your conscious attention to the present moment.
In time your non-conscious mind will let-it-go as well. Time is one of our best friends when it comes to a sense of loss and Letting-Go.
And something marvelous can happen.
As you gain ability to see your self from your non-critical observer’s viewpoint, you draw closer to becoming the changeless witness of the constantly changing mind.
Your own self becomes your ultimate teacher.
You can learn to Let-Go being an accomplice to the reactions of your constantly changing mind.
Letting-Go-Codependence is the inner restructuring of our Mind-scape for the purpose of reordering our relationship with ourselves.
And if SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People can’t work through their behavior issues with us, we may have to Unplug, that means let them go.
Of course, Letting-Go-Codependence is about us, not about them. We have to be responsible for our own feelings, behavior, issues and attachments.
If we could recognize how much power and control we can have over ourselves, and how little we can have over other people, we’d be a lot better off.
Letting-Go-Codependence, our need to “try-to” control other people, places and activities, will free us of our self-defeating attempts at care-taking.
It could change our feeling that we give more in relationships than we get back. The feeling that others always come first.
We need an ability to say No when it is needed. We must stop sabotaging ourselves. The knife in our back certainly shouldn’t be ours.
We need to be open to work with the possibilities of the emerging moment, the omnipotence of time and space, and the inevitable. End of sermon.
The question is: Can we recognize that our Codependence is non-functional, compulsive care-taking behavior which doesn’t get our own needs met and where we often act against our own wants and desires?
We tend to get involved with SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People, who are unreliable, careless with other people’s lives, distant and users.
They not only use substances, they use us. We get a lot of Artificial Stress and very unfulfilled for our efforts.
We need instead to learn how to let them go, and in turn get involved with people who have healthy boundaries, while developing some of our own.
So we can know where we end off and other people begin. Where our boundaries are just good respect and simple manners.
We are, where we are, because, in early life, we didn’t develop the ability to define, construct, and maintain adequate healthy internal and external boundaries.
Our self-esteem, our sense of self, and our coping suffers as a consequence of our poor boundaries. We engage in behavior that is self-defeating in both subtle and not so subtle ways.
We don’t want to build brick walls around ourselves. We just want to gain enough positive sense of self and feeling of security to enjoy others without losing ourselves, smothering them or expecting to be invaded. Good boundaries make good neighbors.
Perhaps, part of our Self-Help Agenda for Letting-Go-Codependency is to associate with a Self-Help group, like AA, for people with similar issues, so we can learn and develop healthier coping skills, including the tools for setting and construction of healthy boundaries in our relationships.
One of the most important and first steps in adopting new healthier behavior is to seek and gain new knowledge and understanding especially if Alcoholism or Drug Abuse are involved.
It is important to educate ourselves about the origins, the course, and the cycle of addictions and how it affects our relationships.
There are useful materials, tools, and information here for you. Change and growth is possible. Make use of it. Hope lies in learning more.
The better you understand Letting-Go-Codependence, addictive behaviors, and sabotage as well as Sobriety and Spirituality the better you will be able to cope with their effects.
Reaching out, as you are now, for Self-Help information and knowledge including assistance, can enable you to live a healthier, more meaningful and fulfilling life.
We can learn how Letting-Go-Codependence and starting to take charge of our life will allow us to regain our lost sense of self.
The single most important conversation we ever have is with ourselves.
Our Self Talk when it is honest enough, and with enough awareness, we begin to speak the truth about ourselves, at least to ourselves. First to thine own self be true…is correct.
It is a first step in reclaiming our lives. A first step in reclaiming ourselves, in having a truthful, honest, loving relationship with ourselves. We can actually learn to like ourselves.
Have a love affair with yourself. Is one of the best admonitions I have ever read. We should all make it so.
An honest internal conversation with yourself will be a good start. Begin an honest loving relationship with yourself. Learn to really care what you think, want and do.
Feel the connection with yourself by embracing your feelings, by stopping compulsive behavior.
Initiate or reclaim a truthful relationship with yourself. Accepting you own feelings helps you to develop an inner strength, to find your lost self. Empower yourself to move to the next stage of Letting-Go-Codependence.
Letting-Go-Co dependence and Addictions is possible.
You can transform yourself, regain your self-esteem, and empower your true self with healthy boundaries for meaningful relationships and freedom from the SNUPs, Martians, and Drain People.
You can transform your experience of the lived life. Let Go Co dependence.
In closing, lets consider that there might be a single explanation as to why Spirituality works for so many people in and for the “treatment” of Addictions and Codependency.
What is needed when we decide to let go of something, anything that is not actually immediately painful, like a burning match? Lets say a codependent relationship.
Well, that process of Letting Go, is made more workable, and more acceptable to our internal value system, less resistance, less sense of loss, if the to be "lost" object is replaced with something of equal or greater value.
We are “happy,” satisfied, more agreeable to the switch. There is less sense of being deprived, less feeling of loss, less emotional pain.
So it seems reasonable that we can better ensure our chances for successful Abstinence and Sobriety, which in turn enhances our Serenity, if we replace the “gratifications” from our addictive behavior cravings with something of equal or grater value to us.
At first, it may sound like we are trading one addiction, or compulsion for another. But, that is not really the case. Perhaps, it is something of greater value.
Consider these examples of equal or greater value: Renewed interest in the world around us, in our potential lives, and in ourselves, as we truthfully find ourselves.
We call this Spirituality. It is connectedness. The internal feeling of satisfaction from intense involvement with our day-to-day living. With the cutting of our own wood and carrying our own water.
We don’t really change ourselves through great amounts of “willpower.” We change most when we run low or out of will power and Let Go, Let God. We then meet the inevitable on equal footing in the next emerging moment.
Addictions Recovery means accepting, using, living by, and sometimes because of, our connectedness to the rest of the universe. We call it Spirituality. You can call it by whatever name you chose.
Our Spirituality is the perspective from which we do life.
Most of the work is out in the fields, making and maintaining our new boundaries, making life’s decisions, cutting the wood, and carrying the water.
This is where we hone our connectedness, our Spirituality to its sharpest radiance and our acceptance to its most profound.
Can Letting-Go-Codependence or Addictions be stated as simple as that? Perhaps. But, “Probably, easier said than done,” you say. And “how right to be you are,” my mother would have added.
But, then isn’t everything, easier said, than done? Not just the Letting-Go-Co-dependence. If the devil is in the details. Then the satisfaction is in the doing.